I realize now that I have just emerged from a 70 year FUNK! Evidence of this rebirth is my starting "spring cleaning" or maybe it's "death cleaning" (?) because I have cancer and now I'm more focussed then ever before in my life. As a matter of fact perhaps all of my life prior to now was preparation practice for living! Perhaps instead of living I was just existing. I guess II wa only teaching myself when I was thinking I was teaching my colllege and university students about what is meaningful in life? I would tell them that before they can have anything at all, even before they can have their basic needs met, they first must BE! In other words, they first must do the very hard work involving being a responsible individual that is unique in this world, otherwise even your basic needs have YOU! Until I emerged and gave (as if virtual) birth to myself as a unique, responsible individual, I was in a kind of victim funk, always feeling sorry for myself and the ironic thing is that instead of having a victim "self", my victim self had me! Now that I ammy unique individual responsible self instead of my victims South I can be free from the defensiveness of having to make any excuses. I can live my life blissfully without regard to any one's judgment because instead of having judgment, judgment has everyone else. yes I am even free from judgment because I am so spontaneous I only exist for me with me and to me perhaps I am like Trump. I am spontaneously a three-year-old and I love it!